unkown unknowns

If I quit my job, what will I do instead?

Pity I can't afford to retire fully although given no male in my family has reached 60 yet that might not be true either! Probably should be though as two of those were somewhat self-inflicted and dad was cancer in the 80s.

But I can afford to quit this one if I choose to.

For a start it's been around 10 years which is much longer than i've had any other job for and whilst it's been often challenging and engaging there is always the fair share of frustration and baggage built up over such a span of time. For instance i've had years of work stuck in locked drawers unused. Stuff that should have been published, stuff that may even be published yet. It's even in an industry I don't particularly want to be a part of (not that I can think of any I do want to be part of!). On-top of all this there have been a good few years of very odd circumstances which only came to a head around xmas last year. Circumstances that while discussing with peers in hindsight appear to border on abuse. It was only though incidental rather than malicious intent but the cause doesn't affect the outcome. It's been raised and addressed but it feels too little too late since too much damage has been done that just can't be undone. Actually the initial reaction to the insight i've gained about the workplace itself in the last few weeks is that the whole joint is a complete fuckup and is a big reason i'm thinking of leaving sooner rather than later.

One other particular thing of note that crossed my mind over the last couple of days whilst reflecting on the whole period is that i've made absolutely no new friends during it - not a single one. And I don't just mean "real proper" friends you keep in touch with decades later which can be rare - I've had absolutely no social interaction with anybody outside of being at work itself (or lunch) or the annual xmas party. And the xmas party is mostly contractors i've never worked with. It's not entirely without reasons, to start with there just wasn't that many I did work with, and most people already have their lives done at this age. But it still does seem a little odd in hindsight given i've generally gotten on quite well with most of them and all the time involved.

Despite all this I've usually felt it was adequately compensated with lower and flexible work hours, an almost completely free reign in technology and implementation choices, and extended amounts of summer leave (even if it was usually due to funding shortages). But even these - as absolutely awesomely awesome as they are to me - have their limit of worth.

So I haven't decided yet.

One reason is of course what happens next. I don't really feel like i'm capable of much at all right now (look at the dearth of hacking on this blog for evidence) but that might be more perception than reality and it could change in the blink of an eye. I can however afford to take plenty of time to get my shit together if I need to (decades actually). Another is that I've never had to actually look for any job i've ever had and i'm generally pretty hung up about doing such things for the first time, yeah still. Due to working for Ximian/Novell and now these guys I don't have much of a local 'network', although it's not empty either. And my skills and interests are (probably?) not in much demand around this sleepy city outside of where I am now. Well obviously with my skills and experience I can code almost anything for almost anything (or quickly learn how to) but there's a lot of rather unappealing anythings out there that get coded and there's often some really poor technology taking up the flavour-of-the-month pedestal at any given time as icing on the cake.

If I decide in the positive will I manage to last out the remaining money for this year? Professionally one would think there is no question but personally once a decision like this has been made it will be hard to continue. I'm just a casual employee (no notice needed) and this is not an entirely professional matter I think. Another 3 months? Hmm.

I'll think about it some more I guess.

update: Told 'em. Well, we'll see. They don't want to let me go. I mean really not. I guess i'm worth something.

vulkan is out at last

I'm just starting to think about hacking again so that delay might not have been so bad for me. I haven't looked at it yet though.

Oh, and what a nice birthday present too!

Update: Not that i've had time to look but still no AMD drivers for linux; although if this means an end to fglrx then that will be worth it.

still breathing

Holidays about to end. Yay, back to work.

Pretty uneventful overall. Getting sick stopped me going to the beach and then I didn't feel like doing anything at all; it's been a very quiet last few weeks and I haven't left the house in a week. I ran out of people to catch up with as well, and vary rarely does anyone try the reverse. Peach tree got ripe which is nice and i'm starting to get some chillies, and i might finally get some ripe tomatoes next week - they're just taking forever. Overall the garden's been a bit shit this year as it's just been too dry - we just had a wet couple of days but that's the only rain we've had for months. My water bill will make none of it worth it. Even the roses only flowered properly once.

I finally decided to crack open some of the games sitting here and I've been playing a lot of Bloodborne the last week ... i'm pretty impressed with the level and enemy designs and the fighting mechanics. I'm always surprised when i find a whole new area to explore which adds another major variation to the environments and enemies. The graphics and framerate are much better than I expected from "reports" - the chromatic aberration is barely visible from the couch and actually looks fairly natural, and it's got some frame-drops but is otherwise very solid. The level of detail and density is incredible and the lighting changes as one progresses (certain bosses advance time) changes the whole mood. After 28 hours i restarted with a new guy so i could level better and am 37 hours and 90 levels in with him. But despite the really tight combat (which took days to get to grips with) and inspired setting; it's just starting to feel like any other RPG - I progress till I get stuck on a new area or a big baddie and then have to grind levels and equipment to progress. Death is cheap so it's more just an annoyance at this point. I did the first couple of preset chalice dungeons yesterday and they are a mixed bag; it leveled up my weapons but even the first run feels like grinding. So it's getting a little boring actually since i'm getting a bit overpowered in the areas i've already done, stuck on a new area, and the chalice dungeons feel old already. I guess I'll keep going, at least it's a heavy time-sink. It's all a bit fucking dreary though.

And still no Vulkan?

vintage hardware

So my random visits to 2nd hand shops & pawnbrokers finally ended in spending some money.

It also came with the garishly-bright-orange lined, grey padded vinyl carrying case and a few bits as well. Was a little bit of a haul on the bike but it survived the journey home strapped to the pannier rack.

I took the top off and it looks unworn although there are a few wear marks here and there externally. I ran a few stitches and it seems to work ok, certainly better than the other machine from such a limited test. It has some strange stitches such as ones that move the needle backwards and the zigzag width setting mechanism is just a bit novel.

Not much about this make on the internet apart from someone trying to sell the same one for $400 on gumtree. But it just appears to be a Brother rebadge and there's more info on those and best i can tell it seems to be about as old as me. Strangely there are almost no manufacturer markings on the machine at all apart from the branding on the front and a serial number on a plate riveted to the underside. Maybe they were hiding the fact that it was made in Japan?

I just wanted a free-arm machine and given it was almost all metal and it looked to be in good enough nick the $89 cash converters wanted didn't seem much of a risk even if the bloke gave me some funny looks. Not that i have anything in particular to sew but it's handy to have one that works properly.

big whoop, another year down

Been busy with getting out of the house, going to the beach (it's turned into a weekly heatwave here), hanging around friends, ... but now i'm pretty stuffed and have some time to think about the year ahead.

It's just as bleak and pointless as it's been every year for the last 20 and i'm getting pretty tired of it.

making dough

Tried making some ciabatta today based on the first hit for such via a search engine.

Well it was more a two-day "effort" although there wasn't much interaction apart from trying to work with some very sticky glump.

I probably baked it a little too long but it's serviceable. Has a nice flavour and chewiness though.

hot for xmas

It's been really hot this week - from Monday I think it was 39, 40, 41, 42, and the last forecast i saw had 43 44 for Saturday before a bit of a cool-down. I've been going to the beach in the afternoon then dropping into the city for a couple before going home (and yesterday i went back to the beach again but that was a bit keen). Today i stepped on something in the murky water (puffer fish? crab?) which cut deep enough into the pad of my foot to sting, so i came straight home and tended to that. Seems ok so far and i drew more blood hitting my head in the bathroom leaning down to dry my feet so hopefully it will clear up and i'm not stuck hobbling for too long - i've had more than enough of that this year. Apart from not being cold enough there was a line of murk and some shit floating on the water so it's not the peak experience so i might've skipped tomorrow regardless. It's pretty much dull as fuck too but it is decent exercise and i'm getting quite fit and shapely.

The pubs have been a bit feral and i'm not really enjoying the beer much so i might give that part a rest for the foreseeable future too. Drinking alone really is pretty pathetic but it's somehow ended up at a stage where it's either that or stay home alone apart from some occasional visits to friends (well, one friend, who's still close enough and usually home) or from friends (well, mostly one friend, but not for a while). I rarely hear from family unless they're passing through town although that's probably about the right amount. It just sort of happened.

Going to be a touch cooler next week but its looking high 30s for xmas day which at least is a good start for the day. I probably wont go "home" for it but i'm undecided as to it's final fate. I have done it alone before and that was a really nice and relaxing day but I can imagine it being not so nice if the mood swings the wrong way and this year it's not been swinging up much. Friend offered his parents do if i feel like grandchildren running amok.

Garden's still alive but it's taking a lot of water to keep it so. Its been a pretty dry year with rainfall 150mm+ under the average which is only a paltry 550mm to start with but there might be one more thunderstorm left yet. After a short family visit on the first, the second morning of leave I cut down a tree out the front that was over-shading the roses and was rotting at the base - I was expecting the rest of the tree to be a bit dead but it was only right at the stump but i'm glad i got it out since it didn't seem too solid in the ground. But it's been too hot to do much since. Riding isn't actually too bad so long as you're moving and you slow down as soon as you feel over-exertion but i think it's wise to give the hills a miss for the moment unless i feel like an early ride and have the urge to feel sore the next day (yeah i dunno, i'm a bit over that).

I need more winding-down before thinking about hacking so perhaps i should finally crack open some games but eh, maybe. I could use some good sleep-in's too but i keep getting up early instead, at least the heat has slowed down the builders across the road some so i might have a chance if i try. I sort of did this morning but being awake from 3am to 7am beforehand rather negated any possible benefit.

Life rolls by.

Well that sank a lengthy day.

Who would have thought a pair of boardies would be so complicated.

Picking apart seams will be in my dreams.