Summer

Well summer finally arrived — only about 2 months late. The garden's been pretty confused this year but the growing season is all but done now, but i'm hoping for a few more chillies yet.

My leg is slowly healing, unfortunately I developed bursits due to dealing with the degrading joint and that has lingered beyond the hip replacement. The implant is particularly perpendicular which seems to be adding additional stress on the bursa but I was probably too active pre and post-operation and aggravated it further.

I've got some daily physio exercises to move through and that seems to be helping but it's frustrating I can't ride as much as I'd like to. Cycling seems to be the main aggravator for the bursitis which is a bit of a problem when I don't drive. I can get a cortisol injection if I want but I'm trying to avoid is as frankly I'm sick of hanging around hospitals and doctor surgeries. While it's mostly just annoying it can be quite painful and the main problem is it interfering with sleep which I don't get enough of anyway. Anyway it seems to be getting better, albeit very slowly.

I've been spending way too much time and money at the pub drinking way too much; at least it's mostly been for fun and my mood has generally been a bit better this year. I've had a couple of low episodes but I just push through it and try to get out of my head and my house and they haven't persisted, very much not looking forward to winter though, It's quite a bleak time even with the relatively mild winters we experience.

Retirement?

I've just got so much spare time it's hard to fill so I've been looking at things to do such as reading, cooking, exercising. My key-lime tree has been shedding excessive fruit so I've had lots of limes to use up — so I've been making pickles and chutneys and marmalade's and cordial, and hot sauces. I fermented 1.5kg of chillies that I turned into tobasco-style sauces. I found a local place to get sauce bottles and small jars although it's not particularly cheap. I tend to give away a lot of what I made and the jars and bottles rarely return.

In part due to the hip replacement and in part because I have the time I've been keeping pretty fit and healthy, right bang on 'ideal weight' for my height. Apart from the obscenely excessive beer and a bit of a gout flare-up I'm eating very well, it basically turned into a Mediterranean Diet without intending to. Greens from the garden, lots of citrus, chillies, nuts, legumes, soups, a bit of liver once in a while. Not a whole lot of meat — not because I don't like it I just can't be bothered cooking it.

Yesterday I did a bit of a budget review and I'm going to have to either cut back on spending quite a bit or consider working again at some point. Still I'm going ok considering I haven't worked for over 3 years and have zero income so there's still no real rush. I'm getting a bit too comfortable with not having to deal with all that bullshit and I simply blanch at the thought of having to work again. Lucky me I guess.

Domain Changed!

I've changed the site domain to zedzone.au. I'm pretty sure I got everything but if something breaks it breaks and I can fix it as required. It was a pain in the arse to have to do it but it didn't take much work.

Old Site		New Site
www.zedzone.space	→	www.zedzone.au
code.zedzone.space	→	code.zedzone.au
zedzone.space	→	zedzone.au

I've added a permanent redirect from the old .space domain to the .au domain — but this will only work as long as the domain is active, and it expires in 7 days.

Domain Change

I got the .space domain because it was cheap but now it's jumped significantly in price ... so i'm going to attempt to move to zedzone.au.

This might upset things for a little while but so be it, it's not like this is a heavily trafficked site.

More Legs

Tomorrow will be 7 weeks since I had the hip operation. It's been one of those "I can't believe it's been 7 weeks, but shit a lot has happened" periods.

They told me not to put more than 10kg weight on the operated leg for 6 weeks - but after 3 weeks of bloody crutches I gave that idea the flick. A couple of days I walked all the way into/out of the city - about 10km round trip - entirely on crutches but it just seemed absurd. About a week using a walking stick but then my hand started going numb so I mostly just hobbled around after that. After 5 weeks I got on the bicycle. At the 6 week mark I had a review and the surgeon was very pleased with my progress but I was miserable with the ongoing pain and news of lifelong movement restrictions. I'm seeing a physio on Monday so hopefully I can get a better idea of what they are, plus maybe some exercises and guidance on "overdoing it". So far the directions have been vague and pretty useless although the surgeon did say I could get on the bike again (which I had already obviously).

Mostly i'm just frustrated as fuck at this point. The pain is taking a long time to recede, it hurts to sit, it hurts to lie on my back or operated side - and well even the non-operated one. This is intefering with my sleep which was already shithouse. It hurts to sit playing playstation or drinking beer, it hurts afterwards if i ride too much, walk too much, stand too much. It's difficult and painful to tie my shoelaces or cut my nails. OTC painkillers don't really do much - hell even when I was in the hospital it took 20mg of oxycodone to do anything and they thought I was a junkie or something. As far as I know i'll never be able to sit cross-legged on the floor ever again - maybe that seems trivial but what am I suppose to do, carry a fucking chair everywhere I go? How do I do my go-to hamstring stretch when my back gets too stiff?

So i've been walking a lot anyway - it seems to help with the pain to some extent. At the 6 week mark I started back on situps and pushups - at least I can do those. Riding a bit when the weather is good.

But mostly i'm drinking way too much and with the lack of sleep being moody and sulky and feeling lonely and depressed - so pretty much like every other spring.

One of my main haunts closed down - arsehole landlord in dispute with his daughter even though the business was keeping things in the black. With 4 weeks notice for everyone it was pretty shit. I managed to make it to the closing even on crutches but it's left quite a hole in the community and a hole in my heart every time I walk past.

And one of my nephews was recently in an absolutely horrific car accident - ute rolled end on end and he was thrown 15 metres from the vehicle. By all measures he should be dead but somehow he's still physically alive but his brain ... well things are bad. His eyes open but nobody's home, he can't breathe or eat without tubes. I just hope his needless suffering isn't extended by his idiot father and stempother (they're "preppers") who think he needs to be kept alive at all costs and it turns into another Terri Schiavo indicdent. That's if the pneumonia doesn't do him in soon.

THR coming up

For various reasons it's been a fairly involved few months but now life is back to anhedonia, insufficient sleep, and excess alcohol. But in 5 days that all changes again as i'm finally going under the knife for a total hip replacement on my left leg.

I'm resigned to it but still anxious as fuck and well just super-pissed off that I need to have it done all from a nothing accident 3.5 years ago. It'll be a couple of months before I can even think of getting on a bicycle again which is somewhat limiting as that is my main mode of transport apart from walking.

By pretty much pure chance a niece wants to move to Adelaide so is coming to stay with me for a bit - she can help with the basic day to day stuff that I might not be able to do for a few weeks. There aren't any real insights on how long it might take to recover enough to get around, cook, and clean so I will just have to see how it pans out for me.

I didn't drink for July (moral support for a friend at the time) and lost a bit of weight and spent a bit more effort on getting as fit and strong as possible before the operation so physically i'm about as prepared as i'm likely to be.

Mentally and emotionally i'm a bit of a wreck but oh well, one day at a time.

Life and Legs ...

So life has been bumbling along. I spent too much of our piss-weak summer blowing money on booze, had a few fun times I guess but i'm getting pretty over it. Summer was too cold and windy for the most part so I only went for a few longish rides, and I think only went for a dip at the beach a couple of times.

Despite all the booze and lack of cycling I did a lot of walking and got fairly fit and trim. But my broken hip is causing a lot of pain now, the joint has gone necrotic and walking irritates it. I just keep pushing through the pain as I'm trying to ensure it's as strong as possible by the time I have a total hip replacement - I don't have an exact time but it should be within a few months. I had to get an infected tooth ripped out in preparation last week and that's still bothering me but I suppose it should heal up soon. One expensive hole in my mouth after a root canal cracked plus I got it taken out under anaesthetic.

Turned 50.

YaY.

Still not working.

I feel pretty burnt-out even after 2.5 years of non-work. But it is becoming pretty boring having a whole day to fill day after day. I spent a lot of time in the garden this year but there's only so much time that can sink.

I'm a bit sick of going to the pub. Plus I gotta cut down the grog before my hip op.

But it's my only regular social contact, so it's either that or nothing. Fuck. I have too much anxiety to interact in online communities very much, hell sometimes I can't even read SMS's from friends.

So I've been somewhat depressed lately. A lot of that is no doubt the impending hip operation and dealing with the infected tooth, but really i'm so fucking lonely and see no way out of it. I find it incredibly difficult getting close to people although i yearn for it deeply. I get hit on by women at the pub occasionally and at best just feel puzzled (or annoyed) and at worst panic and freeze up.

I'm forever sleeping miserably and usally wake up abougt 4 hours after going to sleep and then stay awake many hours before perhaps nodding off here and there. The pain from my hip (and now tooth) is partly to blame now. Nothing interests me at the moment, I do a bit of hacking or play some games or lurk on reddit but it just feels like i'm going through the motions burning up time until I can have another shitty sleep and repeat it all again. I have the odd enjoyable get together with mates (typically at pub) but small things can set me off and get me down for days particularly if I over-do it on the booze. Finding it harder to get into conversations and often feel I don't belong.

I've been reading a lot, mostly fantasy and some sci-fi. It's an escape, although sometimes even that upsets me.

Compilering

So a few months ago Xyhpoid contacted me about the work I did on Dusk some time ago to see if I still had the source. Indeed I did, but I hadn't touched it for 10 years, left it in a half-arsed state, and can't remember much of where it was at or what I wanted to do with it.

Still, at the moment i've got a lot of time on my hands and not much to do with it so I started poking around again. Amongst some minor phaffing about I decided to look at writing a compiler for the dusk script language that compiles directly to the JVM.

It's been a somewhat interesting exercise, from parser for a custom language to generator for class files. A probably goal is to create a new dusk script - it will be something like a relaxed java but with more security by limiting access to classes and functions via white-lists.

Apart from something interesting to play another motiviator is the dropping of nashorn from the OpenJDK. I did a quick survey of extant JVM languages looking for something sutiable but despite a proliferation in the earlier days of Java most have been abandonded, and even those that haven't haven't updated to handle the java modules system or the deprecation for removal of SecurityManager. Another problem is that most give unfettered access to the whole JDK in one way or another which isn't acceptable for my use case.

Anyway some of the exploratory work is going on in the compilerz project. There is also some work going on in duskz but i haven't pushed it stream yet.

JDK 20, foreign-abi

Finally updated the foreign-abi branch of nativez, zcl, and jjmpeg to the OpenJDK 20 API for foreign native access. It's very much untested and probably buggy but it compiles and a few things run so it should be on the right track at least.

Most of the changes were pretty straightforward and some of the API changes simplified a few things.

It was mostly a learning exercise to find out what has changed in the API but I thought I may as well do them all at the same time. I'm sort-of more interested in vulkanz but it's been so long since I worked on it I've forgotten where I was at. So maybe i'm not that much interested in it!